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Being frustrated when your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their part or behaviour is completely understandable. In every intimate relationship, we expect our partners to be accountable for themselves, and by being responsible for ourselves, we show that we’re mature enough to be in a relationship. So what is relationship maturity and how does it influence long-term relationship success?
A Mature Approach to Relationship Responsibility
The mature approach to relationship responsibility is being 100% accountable for your part in the relationship. There should also be a clear distinction between being 100% responsible and over-functioning.
Being completely responsible means that a person looks after everything within his/her control, while over-functioning is doing everything to the point that it may disempower the other partner. In doing so, they may undermine another person’s self-worth and this can be unintentional.
“Overfunctioning can be a productive method to manage anxiety and tension, but it can prevent both you and the other person from becoming a responsible human.” This is according to Psychology Today, and they’ve also listed the common behaviours of an overfunctioner:
● Doing tasks/ volunteering for activities that your partner may have a difficult time doing
● Making decisions on behalf of your partner
● Telling them what to do
● Convincing your partner that your belief/thinking is right
● Preventing a partner from participating in activities that may result in failure
We may not realise it, but an overfunctioner could be tolerating their partner’s indifference or lazy behaviours. Alternatively, they could be not even giving their partner a chance to make decisions or take actions in their own time - when they are ready. Although overfunctioners manage their stress by doing this, they also prevent their partners from becoming their best version of themselves. Here are ways that can help people deal with over-functioning:
● Sit with the discomfort and wait for your partner to act or decide
● Observe how your behaviour influences your partner’s responses
● Determine opportunities that can support your partner to shine and become responsible for himself/herself
How Relationship Maturity Influences Relationship Success
Maturity affects the success and failure of long-term relationships. When both individuals are mature, they establish a healthy relationship where communication is vital. They are aware of their own responsibilities and do not tolerate poor treatment or behaviour.
In the article “Emotional Maturity in Relationships”, people who are emotionally mature have the following characteristics:
● They take full responsibility for their reactions, feelings, and lives
● They practise empathy for themselves and others simultaneously
● They’re capable of speaking the truth no matter how hard it can be
Relationship maturity allows a person to see beyond his/her beliefs and to acknowledge their partner’s thoughts and emotions. They also develop the courage to become fully responsible for their actions and their part in the relationship. And this inspires them to work hard so that their relationship will become and remain successful.
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